As a woman, when you see a photo of a shirtless male athlete in your Twitter feed, you do either of two things:
– Draw for a towel to sop up your drool from off the floor tile or
– Roll your eyes because you’ve seen it all before.
It’s no different from a woman posting a bikini pic (like she’s not doing it to get nuff likes and glowing comments).
This piece, Lyrical Babe, was written years ago as I reflected on funny lyrics (or “rylics” as we say in Jamaica) my ears have been peppered with by our Jamaican men. especially the hurry-come-up ones. Those of you from the old school may remember the “you are the peas in my rice and peas, the ackee in my ackee and saltfish, the pig tail in my stew peas” rylics. This poem is not about those. Not by a long shot.
Hey baby, how you doin’?
Never see your pretty face round here yet.
Hold a sec, lemme take this call on my Blackberry.
Yeh! I’m at the place already, man, talking to the honies . . . Soon forward? Cool.
Yeh, baby, that dress is rocking on you.
Hold a sec, my car alarm going off.
I wonder if somebody leaning up on the X5.
Don’t move, beautiful; I’ll be right back.
Have to protect the ride, you know . . .
. . . Yeah, some profiler leaning up, taking picture like it’s his–real wannabe.
You work out? Really? That body comes natural?
I guess you’re just blessed like that, eh?
Hold a sec, have to take the calls, you know.
Gotta keep the peeps close.
Yeh, whaddup? No dude, if you can’t get those rims then forget it, man! No cheap substitute.
. . . You believe some people?
I don’t put cheap nuttin on my ride . . . or this body.
You like it? My body? Yeh?
You like the watch?
You see those? They are real diamonds, man.
Bought it in New York.
So what yuh drinking?
Nothing? No Hennessy? Moet?
Hold a sec, lemme check up on the X5.
Don’t want no fool going too close.
Don’t move; take care of that body til I return . . .
. . . Hey bartender, you see the chick that was sitting here?
No man, she cyan gone!
And me ah pamper her so?
Woman ungrateful, star!
Original Image of Handsome Muscular Man is courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.Net